Diets and Broken heats

So recently I put my self out there put my heart on the line hoping to get answers. Instead all I got was more questions. I asked him point blank all circumstances aside how he felt about me. His reply was I don't know I don't know what my future will be. I think rejection would have been better. I would have been able to get over him or at least I think I would. But this uncertainty is ridiculous. It puts the what if and if only's back into my head. Where I can live in my own fantasy land, and play out different situations in my head. I need to get over him... I NEED to get over him. He has caused me a lot of problems in my past. It should be easy to rid him from my life. But it isn't, which is probably caused by my own insecurities. Being an overweight woman I have a very negative outlook on life most times. I am afraid of love yet I strive to have it in my life, but I feel I don't deserve it. I look for people who will reject me or hurt me instead of people who will love me and treat me like I deserve. It's a never ending circle and I deserve better. I feel like a lot of things have to change in order for me to change. Losing weight being my top priority. I messed up on my diet a couple weeks ago. But now I have redevoted my self to healthy living. Nothing like a broken heart to make one evaluate their life. Revenge is a great motivator as well. In the world we live in its almost impossible to be accepted and be overweight. I can't exactly change the world so its time to change myself. Be who I wanna be and not be a lazy misfit who is unhappy all the time.